Leave It Alone

It seems this roller coaster of life keeps circling the sun faster and faster and sometimes I get dizzy.  Through all the seasons and phases of the moon, we are brought right back around (if we're lucky enough) to see another day to make beautiful.  That's right, we MAKE each day beautiful.  Yes, our Creator (or whatever you may believe- no judgement) made the day flawless for us but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?  In my previous posts I've mentioned doing one thing a day that makes me happy, and as often as possible, doing something that scares me.  Essentially, by taking these seemingly small daily goals, it's given each day purpose.  It's made each day BEAUTIFUL... and if we're really lucky we also make the most magical nights where we are more often allowed to be at our most vulnerable and truthful selves.  Where the deepest conversations can be held.  Where the make-up is off and the hair is messy and there is a safe space.  A feeling of peace and need to explore some mystery in the comfort of the dark. 

 

Speaking of late night, deep conversations during a magical night... Have you ever had a gut feeling so strong you can't ignore it no matter how hard you tried?  I know I sound strange, but right now it's pretty late at night and I'd like to continue to share experiences and outlooks I have; should anyone have even the slightest idea of what I'm talking about.  I'll be happy if this can serve as a gentle reassurance to follow your intuition.  You're not crazy!  Our inner voice is so easily drowned out by the screams of society telling us what to do, we often forget to listen to ourselves... and if you're spiritual like I am, we drown out our angels too.  

 

I've had the pleasure of talking to a few people who experience the same types of intuitive pulls for direction.  Through these conversations, I've learned others experience different feelings of pull (repetitive and intense dreams, a heaviness in their chest, repetitive and intense goosebumps to name a few) but basically it's the same concept.  I have had these gut feelings all my life.  It's hard to explain, but I'll try.  Physiologically for me, out of no where I'll feel a small "drop" sensation in my gut.  You know that feeling when you're on a roller coaster and you suddenly drop or free fall?  That's the feeling, a slight ongoing drop sensation that slowly intensifies if I ignore it.  If I ignore it, it becomes butterflies in my stomach, and if I continue to ignore it, I get this warm, tingly, electro-magnetic-type of sensation all over my torso reaching my shoulders, neck, and upper arms.  If I concentrate on it, pray, or meditate, the sensation calms down and I feel like I know what to do... this has guided me through decisions such as who to stay away from or get close to, choosing a college or job, making phone calls to check up on family/friends, going to certain places where I end up meeting my now long time friends, etc... and sometimes it's a warning.    

 

The reason I brought this up is because I'm getting that feeling now.  I concentrated on it and prayed and I now know what I'm being pulled towards.  It's a good thing but sometimes just knowing is enough for now. 

 

So instead of doing anything about this nagging "happy" gut feeling, I've just written this poem. It exposes my stubborn side I show too often... this internal struggle I face as I'm learning to trust again.          

 

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Quiet nights when moments are still

lift the veil of moonlight over your eyes

hear the lullaby dance from star to star

echoing how far you've come

and you've just begun

 

Learn to trust with your eyes closed

let go so you can fly free

where you'll go, you don't know

and you've done it all on your own

so leave it alone

 

Let the light in

go ahead and see how the colors fade

it's okay, hold out your hand

 hold onto the ones who understand

there's beauty from the pain

 

Chase the sun and hold onto time

feel the sand slip through your fingers

let the moon change the tides by the hours

make it count, make it ours and you'll know

fate doesn't change

don't force it

just leave it alone

 

 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

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