War Paint

Smoke rises above the trees

painting the sky with truth and deceit

what you see, speaks to me

when I'm not listening

 

I see the fire in your eyes

is this really you or your disguise?

I can't tell when you lie

but I want to try

and make it right

 

Battle drums echo across the field

war paint ready, don't need a shield

running to the flames far too fast

as we're stuck in this hourglass

ashes fall and freeze time

when we realize it's a sign

all we have is time

and there isn't enough

 

...there isn't enough

 

Golden hour covered in golden flames

cold to the touch, nothing's left the same

feel your heart beating, beating

running out of air and over heating

 

What are you fighting for

in this endless war?

 

You were born ready for this

blow a kiss with your crimson lips

 

Fight with all you have to save yourself

as you give your heart to someone else

thinking that'll save you too

but is it too soon? is it too soon?

just give your confessions to the moon

 

Arrows in hand with feathers in your hair

close your eyes, send them through the air

there's strength in the faith

as we face each day

go forward, be brave

 

...be brave

 

 *******

There's been a concept of  'warrior' that's been haunting me.  I've sat down several times and tried to write only to end up with blockage.  Then bits and pieces would come to me while driving (talk about a stress reliever as I was hoping for longer red lights!), on the piano, at work, the gym, during yoga, while listening to classical or instrumental music, and all these other random times...  and it all came together like a jigsaw puzzle.  I don't think I've had that happen with my writing before.  This is why it's taken me longer to write this post.  This piece was put together with a tune in my head.  It's not a song but with some rearranging it might be later.  I am not a skilled musician but I do love to create things here and there.  

 

Like many people, I've been going through a lot... and have been riding that roller coaster of emotion.  I positioned the poem before the backstory and explanation because I wanted the reader to get a raw and authentic interpretation.  What or who was this for?  What scenarios were thought of?  No one is wrong.  We each have our own battles to fight.  For me, this piece is about fighting yourself for yourself by getting that war paint on and facing everything head on.  Naturally, defense mechanisms come so easily as we try to paint a picture like everything is fine and sweep everything under the rug.  I won't do that, not anymore.  I have been successfully moving forward because I have been able to take the time to fight the urges to hide from unpleasant experiences by: journaling, starting this blog, keeping supportive and positive company with family and friends where we talk/vent/listen/celebrate, getting out of my comfort zones, doing things that scare me, changing habits, and make efforts to consciously acknowledge things that don't sit right with me so I can release them the right way and not ignore them so they manifest in other ways.  It's not easy and it's not a smooth path, but it's worth it.  It's worth it to be brave.  It's worth it to acknowledge the good and the bad and keep the good with you as you leave the bad behind.  By doing so, so many promising things are within arm's reach.  When we let go, we can then hold onto something far better.  Something that can lift us up instead of drag us down.  Be a warrior.  The battle scars we collect are beautiful as they remind us of how far we've come... and how much farther we can go. 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

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