February Dreams

 

When your head hits the pillow and you fall to sleep, we drift into dreams that can either guide us or hinder us.  What do we think about right before we fall asleep?  Are we worried about what we're doing the next day?  Are we thinking about all the things we need to do or didn't do and rush to sleep so we can get up to do them?  It's normal because I think most of us are guilty of this.  Dream journals could reveal nightmares are caused by fear, anxiety, and stress.  Sometimes we're so busy we don't even remember our dreams or just wake up during the wrong sleep cycle.  These dreams do reveal themselves in other ways just in case we missed them: like experiencing deja vu, having an unexplained reason for having a certain phobia, or are put in a mood without knowing why.  Brain chemistry is interesting and can explain a lot, but there is more than just hard science behind these answers.  Think consciousness. 

I have trouble sleeping a lot.  There are so many things I need to do and want to do.  It's hard to shut off my brain so I can relax and sleep, hence the guilt that was aforementioned.  There's always melatonin, a warm glass of milk, or glass of wine that could help, but I usually use that as a last resort.  Instead, I am constantly retraining the way I think.  This includes my thinking patterns before I fall asleep.  Besides the times I usually end up falling asleep, I have been building better habits... better thinking habits.  All the things I would think about and plan for the next day, I would write in my planner or on post-its and make efforts to not perseverate on these tasks after 10pm.  If I found myself thinking about it, I would force myself to think of something else like a trip or fun activity to plan.  There is no sense in worrying about something I couldn't handle at the moment.  Even if I could handle it at the moment, it's important to create balance with stress.  If there is a big project or task that requires extreme focus and attention, set aside a few hours to handle it.  No phone, no distractions, just focus and attention to the task. Then after those hours you set aside, reward yourself with a break.  The trick is, using your breaks wisely too.  Give them purpose.   

This is not an easy thing to do, I understand.  These habits didn't form over night.  I am constantly working on this.  I think about all the people and things I am grateful for.  I think about how I am lead up to this moment for a reason and to keep following my soul's voice as I'm finding new ways to evolve through setting aside time to discover it and engage in it.  If I was always hyper-focused on things that stress me out, I wouldn't have been able to explore and develop other interests.

Tonight, as I'm falling to sleep, I'm going to think about spending time with loved ones and how I appreciate them.  I'll list off how they inspire me (like counting sheep).  Hopefully, these thoughts will shape my dreams into a paradise I could visit nocturnally so I can wake up with a smile and a heart full of gratitude.  A paradise with light breaking through the trees surrounded by waterfalls and budding flowers.  These remaining February dreams will march us to March... where we can continue to let the Year of Light lead the way. 

Love Always,

Lainey       

   





 

 

Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved

Purple Skies



Ever witness something or dream about it, and feel a fire ignite inside you?  And that fire seemed to awaken a passion- a sleeping dragon sort of speak?  I've had my share of short lived interests like: trying to learn a new language, crafting, scrapbooking, etc.  But some things just never went away.  Let's face it, hobbies and interests are expensive and time/energy consuming.  We live in a world where we have other obligations that need to be prioritized.  It's a fact of life we need to accept as we achieve the "American Dream" -Right?! 

When we live the day to day, and the days start blending together-What are we doing? We learn to "put up" with things that hinder our growth.  We ignore our dying flame.  The flame that makes us original... as we are transforming to copies of upheld expectations the world's pressure molds us into.  Then we begin to see things like addiction, infidelity, and depression start to rise and we question where it came from?  Sure there may be some components of genetic predisposition, but there are preventative measures we can take to fulfill our purpose.  Not only that, it will give us more happiness and determination to fulfill that purpose when we feed the fire inside us (in healthy ways of course!).        

My most recent passion that's been awakened was for the aerial arts.  More specifically, aerial silks.

I jokingly mentioned it to my friend who I had been working out with, expecting her to just say, "oh cool" like most people and change the subject, or laugh and brush it off but she didn't.  She was intrigued and asked me how I was going to do it.  I just started spitting out all these cool workouts I wanted to try, building flexibility and balance, how I was stretching at home, and conditioning routines that needed to be done.  I had done some research!  She got us each a passion planner where we could map out our passions and make them happen as we kept up with all the other areas of our lives... family, friends, work, etc.  It turns out she was passionate about it too and we began training together for aerial silks!  We even signed up for classes together. 

The time has come where I couldn't hold back anymore and just bought a set of silks.  I chose the color purple as a dedication to my mom who I lost two years ago this month.  It was her favorite color as well as my own.  So this is for her too!  This is my way of not being boring if or when she checks in on me.  I've always had it in me to seek things with great heights (i.e., mountains, skydiving, waterfalls, trees, stunting in cheerleading, just about anything you can think of...) I'm surprised my parents didn't freak out.  They never did, even when I would fall.  It was everyone else who would!  They would still let me play outside and get dirty, take me to practice, watch my practices and games, competitions, rehearsals, and performances... they were even there when I went skydiving.  I was blessed with amazing parents!  I have an amazing support team all the way around and have never felt this amount of encouragement before!  It's incredible and I want to pass it on to others as well!

I don't know how far I'm going to go with the aerial arts.  Right now I want to just have fun with it and look up techniques and tricks I can try.  I want to challenge myself.  You can bet that the things that look the most complicated are the things I want to try.  But I have to be strategic and work my way up.  I am tempted to just take short cuts, but I don't think that would benefit me.  I want to do this the right way.  This is just another passionate outlet to help me learn, grow, and fulfill my purpose in this lifetime.  I believe that all these unique things that captivate me are all interconnected and lead me towards where I need to go and do what I need to do for some reason.  So this year, I am going to make sure to do that!  Passion project 2018, aerial arts and beyond (cause who knows what else can set my heart and soul on fire)! 

My friend and I started a shared Instagram page

@journeybeyondaerialsilks

as a way to inspire others to put their passions to action now too.  We can support, inspire and encourage each other.  We are still able to focus on family, friends, work, and our other interests (writing, photography, hiking, dancing, music, spoiling our fur babies, extreme sports, meditating, reading, traveling, significant others, going to concerts, ...) After all, we need recovery days when we are just too sore to do a full on full body workout again.  I can't wait until we start to see results!

If you see hints of purple in the skies, I hope it awakens your sleeping dragon.  Set that passion into action and excel.  Don't stop now.  Don't get too comfortable here... change is always inevitable and most times unpredictable.  Put things in your planner to look forward to.  Find yourself and the right people will leave you and the right people will gravitate towards you.  You will feel the difference in the best way once you get past the adjustment.  Let these beautifully painted skies lead you to your next destination.  All you have to do is look up and keep that fire burning.  Stay original.  It may take one second (or a double tap) for someone to "like" something and not think twice about it later, but even if it's only seen and not "liked"...if it stands out and is thought provoking or different, it may linger a little longer and hopefully spark some inspiration to think outside the box too... and that's how a tiny spark can start a fire.

*

Purple Skies

There's a heart I've known

before I even came to life

it's kept me alive

it's the wish I made

with every candle blown

it's in the earth

 in every breath we think is ours

painted across the purple skies

past the moon, beyond the stars

and reflected from both windows of our eyes

*

Love Always,

Lainey









Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved



The Sound of Light

BOOM!  Drop the mic... I mean ball on 2017 for new years that is!  It's 2018 and it's time to shine! 

Last year was THE YEAR OF THE WARRIOR.  We stepped outside our comfort zones, did one thing a day that made us happy, tried new things, set high and almost unobtainable goals (and conquered them might I add), went on adventures, supported each other and followed the heartbeat paths of unconditional love, challenged ourselves, fell, got up, and through it all (with a few more trophy bruises) we gained freedom in the newfound strength we earned.  That's right- we earned it!  The brave feats we faced brought us here.  We survived.  Strength became appreciation.  Appreciation became understanding.  Understanding became patience.  Patience became happiness.  We gave ourselves time and let go of all the weight that held us down.  We're lighter and now we can fly.  Now we can let the light in and lead us.  Now we can shine from the inside out.  It's only natural when we fly, the ends of our lips do too.  Smile!    

This year is going to be amazing... this is going to be THE YEAR OF LIGHT.  If you're going to rise, you might as well shine.  Am I right? No need to speak, let your light speak for itself.  If actions speak louder than words, let the sound of light speak for us.  We will continue to trust ourselves and follow that inner torch that burns within each of us.  It will lead us through all the confusion and fears hiding in the dark corners of our minds.  It will bring clarity to unanswered questions if we keep seeking growth.  We can't get lost if we follow the light.  We simply take the scenic route or brave the unmarked trails we're being pulled towards.  Or perhaps a little of both.  There are no short cuts.  We can only stop and ask for directions to get so far.  We are all on different journeys fulfilling a different purpose.  We don't have to prove anything to anyone but ourselves.  It is not a race nor a competition.  No light is too small or too dim.  All light defeats darkness.  Let our light echo through it and defeat it.  We simply shine to lead the way to follow our own passions.    Nothing can stop us now.  We can't blame timing.  We don't have enough of it in this lifetime.  So what better time is there than now?  Step into the light.  It might seem blinding and disorienting at first, but that's only because we are turning from fears and bad habits.  And as our eyes adjust to the light, on this path we will shine. 

*

chase the sun to the edge of the sky

where days slow down and speed up at the same time

  close your eyes and embrace the night

follow your dreams to the sound of light

follow the sound as you continue to rise

let the light lift you up to the highest of highs

 it's the sound of light you need to fly

take flight in the light...and shine

*



  Love Always,

Lainey

              





Copyright © 2018. All Rights Reserved



Hypnotic

Don't blink, or time might pass you by.  Just look ahead and keep your eyes centered as everything else around you spins.  Did we make the mistake of thinking everything revolved around us?  Are we walking alongside the linear concept of time or does it keep circling around us until we break these hypnotic spells that keep us in these seemingly unbreakable patterns?  If your head is spinning like mine is, you're not alone. 

Who do we see when we look at our reflection?  Do we recognize ourselves?  Are there scars, visible pain, happiness, pride, disappointment?  Look deeper... there is strength.  Strength to do anything.  Are we who we want to be?  Are we who we're meant to be?  Are we where we're meant to be?  Are we close?  Do we care?  Why should we?  Everything is just going to end up how it's supposed to- right?  The scary part is, if we don't live our own lives, we will just be told how to live it... then what are we living for?  A paycheck?  Keeping up an appearance?  A cookie cutter life? Where everyone is in constant competition with each other and never (or have seldom but very brief, superficial moments of...) feeling satisfied.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of hearing all the complaining and gossip.   

The trick is, to cover your ears and close your eyes.  Don't listen to anyone.  Don't settle because you feel stuck.  Don't let those HYPNOTIC tricks fool you.  Listen to your gut.  Don't watch what everyone else is doing.  Do your own thing.  The world has enough fakers, we need more shakers.  Shake it up and do something different.  We all have different strengths, weaknesses, interpretations of the world around us, and once we let go of expectations we can see how much of a difference we can make.  And how much of a difference it can make for us.   

Now is when past and future are one.  Only NOW we are gifted with being able to take action.  In the past, what's done is done.  In the future, nothing has happened yet.  Now, in the present moment, in the spirit of RESOLUTION making... live in the present.  Stop what you're doing.  Appreciate where you are, no matter where you are.  Remember this moment.  Remember the sights, smells, noises, breeze or anything you can touch and feel.  This is the age of mindfulness.  We can't blame ignorance when we  just need to pay attention.  You were somehow brought to this moment... and NOW, with intent, take it from here...     

The next time we look at our reflections, I hope we see determination in our eyes and a smile knowing we are about to dominate 2018.  Look for hope, look for light, look for passion and put it into action.   

Break free of the HYPNOTIC traps we're constantly thrown into.  As the door to 2017 is closing as fast as our minds are trying to wrap around it, a new door to 2018 is opening with endless possibilities of where you can be taken.  Which door to 2018 do you open?  All these questions we ask ourselves daily... but NOW in these present moments, we can do anything.  This is not for anyone else but YOU.  Do this for you... 

Like the saying goes, "We are destined to become who we decide to be."    

As we kiss 2017 goodbye... let's take 2018 and lead the way!     

Love Always,

Lainey



Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

Roots of Eden

When we're all tangled up in the roots of Eden, is it our fault we take a bite? Or are we supposed to break the chain of what we claim to be circumstantial or born into?  Forbidden fruit does not seem so forbidden when it's become so normalized and even glamorized.  They may even tell you it's ORGANIC and slap a name brand sticker on it.  But beware, sometimes the most enticing fruit can be rotten inside or have worms in it.  Those plastic and ill intended smiles could contain poison.  How do we know which fruit to pick?  

Is it me or are we getting more and more impulsive, have a growing sense of entitlement, losing patience, and needing instant gratification with each passing day?  Everything and everyone is becoming more and more accessible.  We set our expectations high and refuse to settle for anything less.  There's nothing wrong with that, unless you're hyper focused on what you don't have and can't appreciate what you do have. 

I've written this next piece inspired by loud conversations overheard in public, conversations had, cheating exes, tabloids, and just plain old observations that surrounds us every day... that's constantly in our faces (so much so that we as a collective are becoming more and more desensitized).  There's no escape... we choose our path and we deal with the consequences whether we admit it/realize it or not.  We can always paint a pretty picture of our lives across the internet, but we can't escape the real truth.  The deepest secrets we sometimes can't admit to ourselves.   



************

There's no escaping time

it always catches up

drink the blood and call it wine

fill it to the rim of every cup

look at all those poisoned apples

in every hand and mouth out there

let it drip from your lips to your hands now

every time you take a bite

might as well give in to your instincts

before the ship sails or starts to sink

we think it's clear what we're seein'

when we're all tangled up in

 the roots of Eden

plant the seeds and watch them grow

are they flowers or are they weeds?

is it real or just for show?

only you know what you really mean

the ghosts we see are imaginary

or do they haunt the past we bring?

 same mistakes just a different face

isn't it funny how the taste doesn't change?

Is it better when it's kept a secret?

do you starve it or do you feed it?

does your heart stop beatin'

when we're all tangled up in

the roots of Eden?

with the roots wrapped around you

it’s harder to breathe harder to see

it’s got a hold and won’t let you go

let the poison take control

blame it on circumstance

blame it on a threatened last chance

 is it really now or never?

or  are you just not that clever?

There's no escaping time

it always catches up

drink the blood and call it wine

fill it to the rim of every cup

when we're all tangled up in

the roots of Eden

Love Always,

Lainey 



Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

Unlocked

"Adulting"- a fine word to describe responsibilities and obligations that take priority.  The excuses we make when we have to pass up something fun and possibly irresponsible to do something, well... more responsible.  There has to be more to life- right?! When we take a step back (and possibly because we're being pulled in multiple directions and trip over our own two feet and fall back) we're able to gain a new perspective and learn to balance.  From here we can appreciate all the stepping stones and building blocks we've conquered. We may even realize it's not about being an ADULT, but just doing what's right and changing perspective.  Release that hold of negativity by unlocking a new vision to bestow on each situation.  Instead of saying, "I have to..." we can say, "I get to...".  Not everyone can pay their bills every month.  Some people may not have a washer and dryer to do laundry.  'Tis the season to continue to be grateful for everyone we share our lives with and all that we've been able to experience in our lives thus far.  Sure, we've gone through some not-so-great times, but with that comes learning, growing, and strength building, if we're lucky enough to seize the opportunity.  

 

I'd like to share an experience I had while I was in session with a family.  It left me with my jaw-dropped and inspired as lessons can come from the most unlikeliest of places.

 

I asked my 13 year old client to describe how she is feeling after her first heart break.  She has difficulty expressing herself into words and it worries her parents since she experiences bullying.  Usually when we ask her questions like this we get, "UGHHHH I DON'T KNOW!" or "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!".  Of course, when I asked her about it, she scoffed and whined, "I don't know! Can I just show you a song that says how I feel?"  Her mother and I looked at each other and let her play Taylor Swift's song Look What You Made Me Do.  We briefly talked about how and why Taylor Swift might write a song like that and what she might be going through, a conversation we let our 13 year old lead.  Then I came back to the question and asked her to describe how she is feeling after her first heart break.  She scrunched her face as though she didn't want to revisit the question, took a minute or two and she reluctantly responds, "It feels like my heart is broken to pieces, you know? Like when your heart breaks it becomes another shape so the piece that used to fit there doesn't fit anymore and that's why it hurts.  It hurts because you're trying to force something that doesn't fit.  Now you need to find a better piece to fit the new shape of your heart and I don't know if I'll ever find that special piece."

 

I know, right?!  Her mother and I looked at each other and told her that was said beautifully, gave her some feedback, and had her write it in her journal.   Let's fix our face and pick our jaws up for a second.  How eloquently said and observant of her to realize when there is a need to let things go even though it hurts, knowing it's not right for you and there is better for you elsewhere.  I am so proud of her and want to encourage her and others to always find your own words or your own outlet to express yourself.  Listening to music is wonderful as the saying goes, "When words fail, music speaks" but I hope everyone will unlock their own voice whether it's a simple discussion, writing in a journal, writing a song, playing an instrument, or even through dance, but just get it out and let it come from you.  Find your key and unlock your hesitations and express yourself.  The longer we hold things in, stay in denial, and/or just try to force pieces that aren't meant to fit, we're just wasting our time. 

 

As November is coming to an end and the last month of 2017 is fast approaching, let's continue to unlock all that tries to hold us back.  Unlock your voice, follow through with your actions and don't stop.  Be true to yourself and honest with your situations.  Set yourself free and follow where your heart and soul takes you.  You'll come across so many wonderful experiences along the way... and you'll find your special piece.

 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

Leave It Alone

It seems this roller coaster of life keeps circling the sun faster and faster and sometimes I get dizzy.  Through all the seasons and phases of the moon, we are brought right back around (if we're lucky enough) to see another day to make beautiful.  That's right, we MAKE each day beautiful.  Yes, our Creator (or whatever you may believe- no judgement) made the day flawless for us but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?  In my previous posts I've mentioned doing one thing a day that makes me happy, and as often as possible, doing something that scares me.  Essentially, by taking these seemingly small daily goals, it's given each day purpose.  It's made each day BEAUTIFUL... and if we're really lucky we also make the most magical nights where we are more often allowed to be at our most vulnerable and truthful selves.  Where the deepest conversations can be held.  Where the make-up is off and the hair is messy and there is a safe space.  A feeling of peace and need to explore some mystery in the comfort of the dark. 

 

Speaking of late night, deep conversations during a magical night... Have you ever had a gut feeling so strong you can't ignore it no matter how hard you tried?  I know I sound strange, but right now it's pretty late at night and I'd like to continue to share experiences and outlooks I have; should anyone have even the slightest idea of what I'm talking about.  I'll be happy if this can serve as a gentle reassurance to follow your intuition.  You're not crazy!  Our inner voice is so easily drowned out by the screams of society telling us what to do, we often forget to listen to ourselves... and if you're spiritual like I am, we drown out our angels too.  

 

I've had the pleasure of talking to a few people who experience the same types of intuitive pulls for direction.  Through these conversations, I've learned others experience different feelings of pull (repetitive and intense dreams, a heaviness in their chest, repetitive and intense goosebumps to name a few) but basically it's the same concept.  I have had these gut feelings all my life.  It's hard to explain, but I'll try.  Physiologically for me, out of no where I'll feel a small "drop" sensation in my gut.  You know that feeling when you're on a roller coaster and you suddenly drop or free fall?  That's the feeling, a slight ongoing drop sensation that slowly intensifies if I ignore it.  If I ignore it, it becomes butterflies in my stomach, and if I continue to ignore it, I get this warm, tingly, electro-magnetic-type of sensation all over my torso reaching my shoulders, neck, and upper arms.  If I concentrate on it, pray, or meditate, the sensation calms down and I feel like I know what to do... this has guided me through decisions such as who to stay away from or get close to, choosing a college or job, making phone calls to check up on family/friends, going to certain places where I end up meeting my now long time friends, etc... and sometimes it's a warning.    

 

The reason I brought this up is because I'm getting that feeling now.  I concentrated on it and prayed and I now know what I'm being pulled towards.  It's a good thing but sometimes just knowing is enough for now. 

 

So instead of doing anything about this nagging "happy" gut feeling, I've just written this poem. It exposes my stubborn side I show too often... this internal struggle I face as I'm learning to trust again.          

 

***********     



 

Quiet nights when moments are still

lift the veil of moonlight over your eyes

hear the lullaby dance from star to star

echoing how far you've come

and you've just begun

 

Learn to trust with your eyes closed

let go so you can fly free

where you'll go, you don't know

and you've done it all on your own

so leave it alone

 

Let the light in

go ahead and see how the colors fade

it's okay, hold out your hand

 hold onto the ones who understand

there's beauty from the pain

 

Chase the sun and hold onto time

feel the sand slip through your fingers

let the moon change the tides by the hours

make it count, make it ours and you'll know

fate doesn't change

don't force it

just leave it alone

 

 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

They Say

They say, "Everything happens for a reason".  I admit, I've said it too from time to time... but as impatient as I am, I just want to know what the freakin' reason is!  They say, "Time heals".  Nope.  Wrong!  Time heals nothing.  The only way things heal are the actions we take into healing.  I don't know about you, but if you've ever lost a loved one... you just know... time heals NOTHING!  And you just get irritated and upset at every well-intended person trying to provide words of comfort when there's really nothing anyone can say.  There is no timing to things.  When they say, "You should be over it by now," or "That was so long ago; Let it go," or "You should be doing this and that by this age".  Well, I've finally reached the age where I can politely snap back a resounding, "No!"  Everything is in our OWN timing and if you force it, it may not be right. 

If you ask anyone who knows me well, they'll tell you I've always been rebellious.  Anytime anyone told me what I "should" be doing, I'd usually do the opposite.  I wouldn't need to say anything back, I'd just do what I felt I "should" and the results would more often be beneficial because I followed my intuition even when I was being pulled in other directions.  I just think it's strange how people can be so demanding on what others "should" be doing with their own lives.  It's like..."Thank you for your input, but no thanks."  The truth is, people have an opinion about everything but the choices we make for our lives effects us.  Make sure we do things to better ourselves without holding back.  Don't let the constraints of what other's expectations are inhibit us from doing the things we SHOULD be doing.   

I encourage each and every single one of you to follow your truths, your happiness, your instincts even if it is not what "they say" it should be.  Your heart will lead you.  Your determination will get you there.  Your resilience will help you get through it.  We are not all meant to do the same things by the same measurement.  There is no comparison or competition between anyone.  Swim against the current.  Speak through your actions and perpetuate positivity and originality.  Don't be afraid to be different.  A lot of the time our passions guide us to places we could never imagine we'd be if we never tried. Don't let time pass you by or slow you down.  If you need to heal... do what YOU need to do to heal... or at least find ways to find acceptance and to continue on productively and as best as possible.  We will all leave a mark in this world...  whatever mark we leave, just make sure it was worth it.  It's YOUR life.  Take it in YOUR hands.  Live your TRUTH.  Find your LIGHT...  and SHINE! 



Love Always,

Lainey



Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved



Learn To Fly

Devastated

How long have we waited for something to go wrong?

The time we took for granted

When everything we're handed slipped through our fingers

And it's our fault

 

Blinded by the light

Running from the fight when the world is upside down

Nothing's wrong if we don't believe it- right?

Drowning out the sounds of hate and cries for help

When nothing's felt on the other side of life

 

Sunsets and lilac skies

Compromise the integrity we left behind us

Another day another pulsing breath to take

Another dream broken from the careless mistakes we made

 

But I see the winds changing with the clouds

Spell it out for everyone to see

Mountain tops where everything looks so small

Ready to fall as we're standing on the edge

 

Don't be afraid when you face your fears

Fight for peace, fight for light

Fight for all that's good and right

Leaps of faith, close your eyes

Spread your wings and learn to fly

 



 Together or alone
As they toss another stone, take a feather
Make things better, let go to be blown away
We may struggle but we'll get there
Keep your eyes to the sky
And spread your wings and learn to fly
 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

War Paint

Smoke rises above the trees

painting the sky with truth and deceit

what you see, speaks to me

when I'm not listening

 

I see the fire in your eyes

is this really you or your disguise?

I can't tell when you lie

but I want to try

and make it right

 

Battle drums echo across the field

war paint ready, don't need a shield

running to the flames far too fast

as we're stuck in this hourglass

ashes fall and freeze time

when we realize it's a sign

all we have is time

and there isn't enough

 

...there isn't enough

 

Golden hour covered in golden flames

cold to the touch, nothing's left the same

feel your heart beating, beating

running out of air and over heating

 

What are you fighting for

in this endless war?

 

You were born ready for this

blow a kiss with your crimson lips

 

Fight with all you have to save yourself

as you give your heart to someone else

thinking that'll save you too

but is it too soon? is it too soon?

just give your confessions to the moon

 

Arrows in hand with feathers in your hair

close your eyes, send them through the air

there's strength in the faith

as we face each day

go forward, be brave

 

...be brave

 

 *******

There's been a concept of  'warrior' that's been haunting me.  I've sat down several times and tried to write only to end up with blockage.  Then bits and pieces would come to me while driving (talk about a stress reliever as I was hoping for longer red lights!), on the piano, at work, the gym, during yoga, while listening to classical or instrumental music, and all these other random times...  and it all came together like a jigsaw puzzle.  I don't think I've had that happen with my writing before.  This is why it's taken me longer to write this post.  This piece was put together with a tune in my head.  It's not a song but with some rearranging it might be later.  I am not a skilled musician but I do love to create things here and there.  

 

Like many people, I've been going through a lot... and have been riding that roller coaster of emotion.  I positioned the poem before the backstory and explanation because I wanted the reader to get a raw and authentic interpretation.  What or who was this for?  What scenarios were thought of?  No one is wrong.  We each have our own battles to fight.  For me, this piece is about fighting yourself for yourself by getting that war paint on and facing everything head on.  Naturally, defense mechanisms come so easily as we try to paint a picture like everything is fine and sweep everything under the rug.  I won't do that, not anymore.  I have been successfully moving forward because I have been able to take the time to fight the urges to hide from unpleasant experiences by: journaling, starting this blog, keeping supportive and positive company with family and friends where we talk/vent/listen/celebrate, getting out of my comfort zones, doing things that scare me, changing habits, and make efforts to consciously acknowledge things that don't sit right with me so I can release them the right way and not ignore them so they manifest in other ways.  It's not easy and it's not a smooth path, but it's worth it.  It's worth it to be brave.  It's worth it to acknowledge the good and the bad and keep the good with you as you leave the bad behind.  By doing so, so many promising things are within arm's reach.  When we let go, we can then hold onto something far better.  Something that can lift us up instead of drag us down.  Be a warrior.  The battle scars we collect are beautiful as they remind us of how far we've come... and how much farther we can go. 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

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