War Paint

Smoke rises above the trees

painting the sky with truth and deceit

what you see, speaks to me

when I'm not listening

 

I see the fire in your eyes

is this really you or your disguise?

I can't tell when you lie

but I want to try

and make it right

 

Battle drums echo across the field

war paint ready, don't need a shield

running to the flames far too fast

as we're stuck in this hourglass

ashes fall and freeze time

when we realize it's a sign

all we have is time

and there isn't enough

 

...there isn't enough

 

Golden hour covered in golden flames

cold to the touch, nothing's left the same

feel your heart beating, beating

running out of air and over heating

 

What are you fighting for

in this endless war?

 

You were born ready for this

blow a kiss with your crimson lips

 

Fight with all you have to save yourself

as you give your heart to someone else

thinking that'll save you too

but is it too soon? is it too soon?

just give your confessions to the moon

 

Arrows in hand with feathers in your hair

close your eyes, send them through the air

there's strength in the faith

as we face each day

go forward, be brave

 

...be brave

 

 *******

There's been a concept of  'warrior' that's been haunting me.  I've sat down several times and tried to write only to end up with blockage.  Then bits and pieces would come to me while driving (talk about a stress reliever as I was hoping for longer red lights!), on the piano, at work, the gym, during yoga, while listening to classical or instrumental music, and all these other random times...  and it all came together like a jigsaw puzzle.  I don't think I've had that happen with my writing before.  This is why it's taken me longer to write this post.  This piece was put together with a tune in my head.  It's not a song but with some rearranging it might be later.  I am not a skilled musician but I do love to create things here and there.  

 

Like many people, I've been going through a lot... and have been riding that roller coaster of emotion.  I positioned the poem before the backstory and explanation because I wanted the reader to get a raw and authentic interpretation.  What or who was this for?  What scenarios were thought of?  No one is wrong.  We each have our own battles to fight.  For me, this piece is about fighting yourself for yourself by getting that war paint on and facing everything head on.  Naturally, defense mechanisms come so easily as we try to paint a picture like everything is fine and sweep everything under the rug.  I won't do that, not anymore.  I have been successfully moving forward because I have been able to take the time to fight the urges to hide from unpleasant experiences by: journaling, starting this blog, keeping supportive and positive company with family and friends where we talk/vent/listen/celebrate, getting out of my comfort zones, doing things that scare me, changing habits, and make efforts to consciously acknowledge things that don't sit right with me so I can release them the right way and not ignore them so they manifest in other ways.  It's not easy and it's not a smooth path, but it's worth it.  It's worth it to be brave.  It's worth it to acknowledge the good and the bad and keep the good with you as you leave the bad behind.  By doing so, so many promising things are within arm's reach.  When we let go, we can then hold onto something far better.  Something that can lift us up instead of drag us down.  Be a warrior.  The battle scars we collect are beautiful as they remind us of how far we've come... and how much farther we can go. 

 

Love Always,

Lainey

 

 

 

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved



Moonbeams and Daydreams

lullabies of the night dance through the air

petals fall to your pillows and land in your hair

angels kiss your forehead through moonbeam streams

sparkling though the dust in the light of your dreams

the moon is full and so is your heart

never truly knowing when things end or when they start

make peace with the hurt that broke you inside out

teach those who've wronged you to rise above the clouds

send a prayer or ten up beyond the stars

have faith in knowing this place is ours

close your eyes and dare to dream

send your plans into action carried by moonbeams

distance is irrelevant, what does your intuition say?
the vibes that collide, let's let them lead the way
every time I've tried to wander I'm pulled right back
I don't understand and at times feel attacked

the only thing I grasp is this light inside me
bright as the sky or dim as I grieve
it's not something to get over, it's something to learn
you can either put out the flame or watch it burn

but there will always be cycles as we journey this life
there will be butterflies with hi's and bitter goodbyes 

there will be good things from bad SHITuations
and beauty from pursuing your heart's palpitations

when we unlearn what was taught, evaluate each thought
learn the differences between lust and love, things that can't be bought
see perfection beneath the skin and value a soul
all these lies and deciet really do take a toll

drown out their repetitive nonsense telling us what to do
since they won't listen make them watch how you grew
night is a place where you don't have to stay confined behind lines
the freedom is yours wherever the moon shines

and when the sun rises past the moon

be strong, be fearless, to doubts be immune

break out of the shadows painted over you

don't let them hide you, to yourself be true

Love Always,

Lainey

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved 

The Naked Eye

The naked eye is limited to a certain range of vision.  Seeing is not always believing.  If we don't see it, it doesn't mean it's not there.  If we do see it, we can each perceive and interpret it differently.  However, there is a basic human instinct, let's call it morals, where we each have an internal compass guiding us to know the difference between right and wrong.  Then there are those infamous philosophic questions like the one from Quantum Theory... If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  Some would argue no (for those wanting to relate this to the human experience), but I say, "Yes" (for arguments sake relating this to the physical phenomenon).  If a person did a good deed without posting it on social media, did they do good even if they didn't receive any acknowledgment or "Likes"?  Ummm.... an astounding YES!  Okay, these scenarios are like apples and oranges, but you get the gist!  Things still happen with or without witnesses.  Sound waves still penetrate the air... because science says so... and people can still cause a growing ripple in this world by doing what inspires them; by doing what makes them feel good by doing right.  This blog is my sound wave, my ripple that you can see with the naked eye.  

There are a number of reasons why I started this blog:

1. Leaving my comfort zones by learning to break free by speaking more freely.  I am a sucker for random and deep conversations but I also express myself through journaling and poetry. 

2. There's lots of special things my mama taught me that I feel deserve to be shared.  She was always so progressive, and I strive to keep up and make her and my loved ones proud by staying true to myself and not hold back.  My mama taught me to stay wild and not to be afraid to be brave.  My dad taught me to put family first and that unconditional love exists.  These lessons along with others have always inspired me and I hope they inspire you too.

3.  It's therapeutic and will only truly benefit me if I speak the truth.  I believe it's important to write about and discuss things that are good as well as bad... and use this as a way to navigate through questions and topics that may either raise awareness to something or help others who may be going through the same or similar things.  There were times when I felt shut out (lied about) and silenced, and this is a platform where I can focus on the truths... and let them outshine the lies.  

    
In the next 24 hours Asteroid Florence will be visible by the naked eye all over the world.  *Cue Aerosmith song from Armageddon, I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.* According to NASA, "Asteroid Florence is the biggest near-Earth object ever detected at 3 miles wide and at a hair's distance of just 4 million miles away," - incredible isn't it?!  Looking up at the sky or out at the world while standing at a high view point really puts things into perspective.  Where should our focus be?  What matters?  We are so small, and we are here for just a short amount of time.  We pick our battles.  We hold our tongues.  Bite our lips.  Speak our minds.  Watch.  Struggle.  Life it too short and we are too small to hold so much inside.  Let it out (within reason and constructively of course).  I want to promote standing up for what you believe is right.  Promoting LOVE, not hate. Promoting TRUTH, not perpetuating fears.   

Let the exposure and vulnerability of our naked eyes allow us to see beyond what's just in front of us.  Look past the horizon.  Find comfort in knowing that things still happen, with or without witnesses.  Today, I hope you look to the sky and see Asteroid Florence with your naked eyes as you're reminded not to miss a thing (thanks Aerosmith!).  There's light from behind the dark just as Florence is making her debut.  There's no reason to hold back now.  Be bold.  Be brave.  Be true.          

Love Always,

Lainey



Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

Around the Sun

Life is a collection of moments... our interpretation of the world before and after us.  The colors we percieve and how we internalize and externalize the things that happen around us say a lot about who we are.  Of all the milestones we go through in life (good and bad), it is ultimately how we decide to react, to view the world around us, that makes us... well, US.  Regardless of what (one of my many new guilty pleasures) Taylor Swift's new song says, "Look What You Made Me Do," no one can make us do anything.  Our actions are our own.  No matter what happens to us, or things people do that may hurt us intentionally or unintentionally, we have the final say in how we respond should we even decide if it's worth it or not.  Is it worth wasting your time and energy on?  A lot can happen in a year, we grow... in any direction we choose.  We can do what's EXPECTED of us...and settle by doing what everyone else is doing; or we can live our OWN lives by following our passion to discover our PURPOSE.  Do what sets your soul on fire. Take the road less traveled. Embrace that weird side others may not understand, and it may lead you in the right direction. Which direction are you being pulled? Which direction do you want to go? This is your life and your journey around the sun. 

 I have chosen to move upward.  Not sideways, not backwards, not even forwards (well maybe forwards a little)... but mostly UP.  It took little steps... up this steep incline! 
1. I consciously stopped looking down and started looking up.  This includes limiting the time I'm looking down at my phone and started looking more at people and observing their expressions, what people around me are doing, appreciating being where I am, recognizing the smells, breeze, sounds, and things actually going on in front of me and not through some electronic device.  I'm not going to lie though, I still play on my phone when things strike me and I want to capture it in photos or videos, or even write things down in my notes.  Ugh... the struggle!  But I've improved! 
2. The ends of my mouth would turn up as I found myself smiling more and more.  For me, this was surrounding myself with loved ones, people with good intentions, with hearts of gold, people who are genuine, honest, charismatic, goofy, fun-loving, outgoing, spontaneous, considerate, smart, and talented.  Where we all appreciate each other for who we truly are, unconditionally. 
3. I would gravitate to travel destinations where I would get lost in nature and hike to the tops of mountains, waterfalls, caves, gigantic trees, and 9 days ago I even skydived for the second time. 
4. There are additional things and activities I've found a passion for that I'm not ready to disclose just yet.  But I promise I will keep you posted as things unfold! 

Then there's that infinite sky.  Up above us, consistently... If we just look up, and beyond what we think we see... we realize how small we are.  Yet, here we are, as small as we are... making a difference (good or bad, we choose) in this world.  What kind of impact are we making?  What mark will we leave behind if we don't complete our trip around the sun in the years to come?  For me, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE has always fueled me and inspired me.  I am so fortunate that my parents have always taught me that.  I want to be an example of that... show proof that it exists... so we can influence change in an upward and loving direction.    

Around the Sun

there's a place, that calls your name

it knows who you are

you're written in the stars

and you may not believe it

but this whole world is ours

there's a part that remains

after everything's changed

transforms your heart with each passing day

and it's the only thing you've sewn

in the tapestry of things you can own

leaving just a trace of your face, forever

follow the rays that bathe your skin

let it lead you and again, begin

 take a trip around the sun

be open to what's here and yet to come

let it lead you with an open heart

no need to force it, it's already in the stars

Love Always,

Lainey

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

The Next Hundred Years

In light (or the absence of light) of today's solar eclipse and new moon, inspiration found me.  I wasn't looking for it.  I had my day moderately planned out.  Adulting at it's finest.  I even ambitiously planned to come home and do 3 loads of laundry. I know, FUN.  It was in the middle of a phone call that I felt the urge to hang up and play on my piano for a bit.  Stopped and just started writing in my journal.  I know, FUN. But I started thinking of all the strange things that caught my attention today.  Things I would've ignored but somehow I couldn't stop thinking about.  Is it a coincidence that there is a solar eclipse and new moon today... Monday, where its name originated from moon-day, or the Spanish version Lunes- where its name came from the Latin word Luna, meaning moon? The last solar eclipse was on February 26, 1979... which was also on Moon-day. However, the total solar eclipse before that was on September 21, 1941...Sunday, where you can imagine the origin of that name.  So on this Moon-day, feathers would land at my feet.  This happened three separate times to be exact while I was walking my dogs.  I've heard that these could be considered messages from angels, but I tried to ignore it... as always... and chalk it up to me wanting to see something that may not be.  Just as I knelt down to pick up the third feather, I look up and see my dog... unusually calm as can be (if you know my dog, you'd know this was strange).  She had a white butterfly fly around her head and in front of her face and nearly land on her nose. She didn't even react (AGAIN, this is rare... she eats flies in mid-air like Mr. Miyagi catches them with chop sticks). I've also been seeing a repetition of numbers everywhere.  I don't know if that means anything or not, but I haven't yet explored it.

As soon as my pen hit the paper, it was as though the poem was writing itself.  It is very personal to me.  I think about living each day with purpose.  I spend time with loved ones.  I've made room for MORE loved ones.  I set my sights farther and higher than ever before.  I smile more and find that my cheeks hurt and I can barely see 'cause I'm squinting from smiling so hard.  I think I even have a different laugh at times... this uncontrollable ugly laugh.  I'm embracing my imperfections with the unconditional love and support I've been so fortunate and grateful to be surrounded by.  It makes me realize how short life is and to cherish every moment... and how I envision setting up the Next Hundred Years.

 

         The Next Hundred Years

In the blink of an eye, life passes us by

every day may seem the same

day in and day out, like there's nothing else

but the ashes from a dying flame

plant the seeds of a new day

and one day light will break through the clouds

like thunder without a sound

will shake the ground, fight though your fears

there's no time, only now

what's your story for the next hundred years?

the stars may align, the eclipse may be a sign

and the phases of the moon with all we pursue

gift us the pleasures of all of earth's treasures

will still never be enough for me or for you

if this is true? what would you do?

and one day light will break through the clouds

like thunder without a sound

will shake the ground, fight through your fears

there's no time, only now

what's your story for the next hundred years?

the smallest light can fight the dark

with just a spark, ignite the heart

fill the missing parts

and turn your fears into art

what's your story for the next hundred years?

Love Always,

Lainey

Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved

Awkward Introductions 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hey there and welcome to my blog! I'm new to this and really just wanted to have a safe space to put my not so secret journal entries and poetry. I hope it brings some kind of inspiration, positivity, light for those going through tough times, and encouragement to vent about those hard to talk about topics. Lately, I've drawn a lot of inspiration from losing my mother/best friend to cancer over a year ago and the people who've supported me through this. Life is precious. Life is short, yet meaningful.  There's a strength we have that allows us to do the unimaginable... The meaning of life is to give it meaning.  So this is me, finding ways to give it meaning 🙏🏼 💛🎀 

Love Always,

Lainey